The Camino de Santiago 🤍

Today, at 44 years old, after a lot of therapy and always being in search of self-knowledge, I think that in life we have moments, turning points. Something happens around us or within us, and everything changes. Attitudes, phases, perspectives change, and we alter the course of our lives. We have the opportunity to stop, review, and change clothes. It’s not always something “cool.” Most of the time, these are very deep moments, with strong changes that determine our next steps. For some people, these changes come forced by life’s circumstances.

Up until now, I have had five very decisive turning points. At some point, I will write about some of them, especially about COVID, which was one of the most important and difficult.

Last year I walked the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, the final stretch of the main route. And if before I thought I had changed my path, on the Camino I changed my soul. It was the most intense internal experience I have ever lived.

The mythical Camino originated in the 9th century as a pilgrimage to the tomb of the Apostle James. For centuries, it was a path of penance for sinners. It was a dangerous journey, full of diseases, hunger, thefts, and accidents, and not everyone reached the end. Those who did receive forgiveness for their sins, recognition from others, and the Compostela as proof of their journey. Upon arrival, pilgrims received a scallop shell, abundant in Galicia, which over time became the symbol of the Camino.

The Camino is not just a route, but a network of paths that cross Europe and end in Santiago de Compostela. There are many routes, but the best known are the Camino Primitivo, which starts in Oviedo and is considered the most difficult, the Camino Francés, the most famous, starting in Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port, and the Camino Portugués, starting in Lisbon. Each path has its charm and its difficulty. The longest can take more than 30 days, while shorter ones can be completed in about a week.

I chose to walk the final stretch of the Camino Francés, starting from the city of Sarria in Galicia. It’s about 114 km over five days. Physically, it was very hard and pushed me to my limits.

Now to what really matters. What is the Camino? What does it feel like? EVERYTHING. On my first day, I didn’t know what to expect. There was nothing religious in what I experienced, but there was the highest concentration of energy I have ever felt.

I would leave every day at five in the morning and walk about 25 km a day, for roughly five hours. I did the Camino alone. My goal was to listen to myself, something I really needed at that moment. I remember perfectly when a pilgrim passed by me and we started talking. He gave me a quick summary of his story and then asked me a question that left me completely disoriented:

“What is your purpose?”

I didn’t know how to answer. And so I went through that whole first day. Everyone I crossed paths with told me their stories and asked me exactly the same question.

During those five days, I went through every state of being human. I reflected on and reviewed my entire life. It was very intense to see where I had arrived and how I had gotten there. All the mistakes, the pains, the joys, the dreams, the failures, the victories. That is me.

I met people of all ages, countries, religions, and cultures. It was deeply enriching to hear their stories and learn from them. They all had questions about their existence. Separations, losses, disappointments, disillusions, failures, gratitude, healing, the search for who they are. An intense and transformative experience.

At five in the morning, alone, I would walk for hours in the darkness, in the middle of the forest. Surprisingly, I was not afraid. I felt at peace. A pilgrim gave me a very important piece of advice:

“When you enter the forest with your lantern, always point the light at the ground. The forest is full of animals and it is their habitat. You are a guest in their home. Respect it.”

And that was exactly what I felt. I walked in the darkness, hearing the animals beside me, accompanying me. It was a very intense and moving moment.

There is one moment I want to share here, the most special of all. One day I was exhausted. At that moment, I remembered a very difficult episode of my life. I didn’t understand why I had chosen a certain direction, and it had caused me a lot of suffering. Suddenly, the path opened in the middle of the forest, and at the end, two new paths appeared. The sun was beginning to rise. I heard the animals, saw butterflies, and that moment brought me profound peace. I began to cry and give thanks for everything I have and everything I am. I recorded a video, and whenever I think of peace, I watch it again and remember how fortunate I am.

In the last hour, we all began to gather as pilgrims. There is a very strong energy of overcoming and emotion. At that last hour, I was only crying with joy. Upon reaching the cathedral square, the final point, I sat on the ground and thought:

“I did it. I can handle anything.”

After the Camino, everything was different. I organized my mind and changed the course of my life once more, but this time in a more conscious and mature way.

Even though I walked the Camino alone, I was accompanied by my loved ones during all those days, sending photos when I started and finished each stage. Here I want to highlight my uncle Robert, who, before I began my move to Barcelona, lent me a book that had been very important in his life, Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. Before going on the Camino, I read the book again. My uncle was one of those important supports during those days. Every day he wrote to me, giving me strength and supporting me to keep going, even in the most difficult moments of the Camino.

In Siddhartha, he also walks, gets lost, makes mistakes, and gets tired. I recognized myself there. In the process, I learned to stop, listen to myself without judgment, and accept my contradictions and doubts. And I understood that perhaps it’s not about finding all the answers, but learning to deal with the questions.

Now, yes, I can answer the question: what is your purpose?

My purpose is to be a better person for myself. I know my limits, I know who I am, and what I no longer want. I love being able to change, every day, the course of my life.

“The Camino de Santiago will not fix your life. But it can help you listen to yourself more clearly, feel a little lighter, and realize that perhaps your life isn’t so broken after all. Kindness exists.” (Part of a text from ElCaminodeSantiago)